I’m so happy about the birth of my son but I’m also concerned about his future. He was born after foetal distress. He can’t breathe properly, he hasn’t been moving, and he still hasn’t cried or made any of the noises that babies normally make. He’s also unable to feed naturally so he’s eating via a tube. He is only five days old but he has already seen so much suffering. I know that he has a life of hardship ahead of him – what hope is there for a child born in a refugee camp?
When I think of the future, I feel sad. I have no money or way to provide for my baby and two older children. I’ve been in the camp for 10 months now but food is still a problem – I don’t have the ingredients I need to make proper meals and we normally run out of supplies long before we’re given our next ration. I try my best to provide for my children but they don’t eat well and they also don’t have enough clothes.
I used to have so many dreams but now I try to block them from my mind – there’s no opportunities for me to plan or develop myself anymore. I feel trapped here and wish I could find a peaceful place to escape to, but I don’t have any other options. When I remember what happened to me back home, I know it’s better to stay in Nduta. I will never, ever go back to my country. Instead I just have to try to find a way to keep going here. (February 17, 2017)